Sunday, May 21, 2017

"Ingat Umur"

My sister has completed her final project.  If you were growing up with me, then you know my sister who is 11 years younger than me, then you know my age.
I am not young anymore but I am not marrying anybody and I have no children.  Some friends said to me, "Ingat Umur!" (means "remember your age" or like telling me that I am now old).
Wherever you are coming from, it is a bad thing to remind a woman about their age, although it was meant to be a joke.
My friends who said that usually older, at least few months older, married and have some children.

Yes, I am getting older, so are you.
Just because I am not married and have no children, doesn't mean I don't remember my limited time as human.

How dare you.

I always remember of my mortality and every other human's limited time.

When I was a child, I used to get asthma attack every time I remember that everyone around me eventually will leave this world.

I lost one of my best friend, just one year after she got her bachelor degree and start working.  A long way before she reach her dream which was getting married.  So I was reminded that I have limited time to reach my dream, and to be married is never been my dream.

How dare you telling me that I don't remember my own age.  I do remember, I do reminded every time I read a regulation of some event or a requirement to apply a job.  I don't want to be married just because I won't get hired anymore due to my age.  It's like taking an easy way. And you my friend, always be the one who said, marriage is not easy, and it doesn't always give you happiness.  (So are you telling me to take the same shitty way because you already stuck in the deep dark damp shit?).  I'm not against marriage, but I know it is not for everybody.  I hope someday I would get married, but I also hope I would be happier whether I am married or not.

I love children, my nephew and my nieces are the cutest children but I don't really have to have one, right?  I mean saying "I want to have a child" is already a wrong statement.  Children is not a possession.  Again, there is no guarantee that I would be a good parent. There is also no guarantee that they would take care of me when I become old and sick.  And what if I die when they still needs me? See. I always remember of my limited time.

Maybe I would regret that I didn't get married when I was young, but that's the thing about regret, it happens when it's already too late, don't cry over it.  Or Are you, my friend, wishing that I would regret my decision?  I hope not, you are my friend.  I would always wish for your happiness,  so I hope it's not only me who wants to be your friend.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Just some repost on what am I doing

Hello, May!

It's been more than 6 months after I "resigned".  I wasn't doing nothing,  I make illustrations for some freelance project, barely enough for the monthly bill but I guess it's still alright to not looking for a new full time job. Aaaaand... I'm planning on making animation!


It's still a long way to go but I will start as soon as I have the fund.  Like always, it's a self-funding project.  I really want to get another fund but I am a really bad producer and I don't want to postpone the project for another year.

I also participate in some workshops:
A thriller writing class, because deep inside I still want to be a writer.


then a watercolor drawing class, because I really need to learn.  The Instructor is also from DKV, only 11 years younger. (D*mn, I'm old).






and also "punch needle embroidery" workshop, cause it's always fun to learn new things.
I already bought a lot of fabric to make some embroideries at home :)



See, I am not doing nothing.  So, let me know if there is any other fun event or workshop in Bandung :)

Sunday, January 01, 2017

Bye Bye 2016, Hello 2017

Happy New Year 2017! Wish you all have a great year!!!

2016 was a very though year, there are many unanswered mysteries left behind, like why did the bad things happened, time will tell the answer someday, but not today. I'm curious of what will happen next.

I started this year by being very busy. I almost skipped the New Year Eve by working.  which is a good start. maybe.  But I hope I will soon have time to work on my real animation.

For my new year's resolution, I'm thinking about continue taking language course, so I can say something else than "keine ahnung".
I'm happy I finished "Pulang" last year so I know I achieved my resolution last year.
I don't know whether I keep freelancing or I start job hunting again, meeting new client is exciting but also tiring.
I know for sure I need to get back to the gym again. I hope the "skywalk construction" will be finished soon, getting to the gym is more exhausting than working out at the gym because of that silly construction.
My biggest priority right is finding out what I want to do for my life.

I want to make animations again but there are a lot of things I need to take care of first. and unfortunately, my animation proposal got rejected again and again. So if I want to make animation, I need to collect the money by myself.  OH what an Indonesian style of animation production.

Well... 2017 will be an exciting year :)

 

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

My Favorite Movies from 2016

I watched a lot of Movies this year!
okay, this post is partly bragging and partly sharing :)
Instead of listing top 5 or top 10, I will pick some movies based on the category or genre, because it is hard to choose my number 1 favorite movie.

Animation:


Ma Vie de Courgette (My Life as Zuchinni)
Not only because of the adorable design, amazing stop motion animation, but also the heartwarming story.  I really love the character of Simon.
I am so lucky to watch this movie at Dok Leipzig because it is probably won't be screened in Indonesia.


What's not to love? It's a story that we really need, a story of fighting against discrimination and social stereotypes.


Digimon Adventure Tri chapter I
I'm too old to say I was growing up watching the animated series, but I really do like the animated series.  I watched this movie with my little sister who really growing up watching the series.  I secretly shed a happy tears when listening to the theme song.

Indonesian Film:


Siti is an indie film, produced at 2014 but released in Indonesia at 2016. The film win many awards.  The famous quote is "Gusti Allah mboten sare, Gusti Allah Piknik", means God is not sleeping but He is having Picnic.  But personally my favorite scene is when Siti and her friend staring at the ocean and yelling "ASSSUUUUUUUU!!!!".  Fyi, Asu means dog (yeah, woof woof), which is a cursing word.

My Stupid Boss is a comedy about an eccentric boss. I normally don't watch Indonesian comedy, but I saw the advertisment everywhere, the trailer look compromising, the cast are great so why not?  And it turn out to be one of my favorite movie this year.

It is actually a 1957 film, it is black and white, but recently restored and screened at the theater.  It is still a great musical film, and the story is still relevant to current situation.  There is also a new adaptation to this movie, I haven't watch it, but I think the original film is a masterpiece.  

Thriller:


Rather than put this film on the Thriller category, I want to put it on "tai pisan" (=extremelly sh*tty) category because I really hate the main character, which actually means it is a very successful thriller.  Just like the title, it forced me to gasping and hold my breath.


Money Monster
As an economics faculty drop out, I feel like I need to watch this movie.  And hey it's a thriller!  Like we all know, money is the most honest motivation to drive a man to do many things, in this movie, taking hostages.

Now You See Me 2
compared to the other 2 thriller movie, this movie is the lightest movie.  But it's a fun and cool movie to watch.

Horror:



I watched too much horror and went numb, I hardly get scared of horror films, but I still love Conjuring series.  Valak reminds me of my school headmaster, as I was in a Catholic school.
I love the part when Ed singing the Elvis song.   

Train to Busan
It's a Korean zombie movie!  it's a complete package of thriller, horror, action and drama.  The Drama is a little bit too much, but well, that's a Korean movie.

Sadly, I didn't watch a lot of horror movies this year, as many horror movies were screened on October and November and I was too busy during those months.

Biopic:

Sully
Firstly, I watch this film because Tom Hanks is the main cast. And then it was directed by Clint Eastwood, I like his previous film "American Sniper". And it's a biopic,  sometimes real story is more amazing than fairy tale.  And it is.  It's a very good story, very touching, and might be cool in 4D.


Hacksaw Ridge
I watch it because of spiderman :p
It's a Mel Gibson movie so it's a religious movie but also bloody!!!  I like war movie and it's better because it's based on true story so the heroism is more realistic and humane than superhero movie.


WTF movie:


I know the genre supposedly post apocalyptic movie, but this movie is more precisely described as WTF movie.  Here's the summary: the earth is heavily populated so, human beings looking for a new planet to live.  They choose Mars, which is colder than the Earth, so they make it warmer by sending cockroaches to make it polluted.  Somehow the radiation makes the cockroach mutated into a big and muscled cockroach.  A group of unlucky people were sent to exterminate the cockroach.  
OH and I haven't told you the most WTF part, you better watch it by yourself, but let me warn you, this is a terrible movie.
I like Takashi Miike films but this one is so terrible that I have to put it on my favorite movie list.


Enough said. Anybody wants to convince me that it is not a WTF movies?

Other Genre:

Okay, I'm getting lazy and don't know what to put this movie under which genre.  These are great movies and some wait for months or years to watch them, including me.

It's a must watch film for Harry Potter fans.  But unfortunately I didn't read Harry Potter so I got lost when watching this film, like who they were talking about, what, why.  But despite not knowing all the details, it is still a magical movie with great story.  The beasts are adorable, especially the one who like to steal things

I'm not really sure to put this movie on my favorite movie list but after I compare it with the other superhero movie on 2016, this could be my favorite superhero movie.  oh I just don't like superhero movie.


Okay that's all.  I might forgetting some movies, but how can I say it's my favorite movies if I don't even remember it?  I still haven't watch Headshot, so maybe I will add that movie later.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

After the DOK

HUH? where's the story during the Dok?
if you wait patiently, you will read it, but not yet.
I only have nice experiences, that for sure :)

After the world premiere of "Pulang ke Indonesia", I got some invitation e-mails to submit the film and also some offer to hire "festival agency".  I'm not sure with the term, I guess it's an agency which will help me submitting my film to various festival.  It's a great idea actually, considering submitting the film takes time, money, and a hell of internet data.  But of course, you need a large sum of money to hire the agent.

SO, I am still doing everything by myself, but it is nice to know that there is an easier way to do everything.  And since I am currently self employed, I could spend days only to submit the film to various festival.  As a really novice filmmaker, I don't have festival strategy, or to be honest, to submit the film to other festival than DOK Leipzig was not in my plan.

My plan was to work as a designer again, as a normal employee, but the company cut me off so I need to change my plan.  Oh, I have started working as freelance designer and I got some projects, so I'll be fine.  For now.

I'm not confident at all with my animation so I only send it to few festival, preferrably the ones with free submission, but I did pay for some submission especially for the ones who invited me.  I know that there's a possibility that my animation wouldn't be selected but I am really thankful for the invitations.

Meanwhile, in Indonesia, I skipped the submission to film/animation festival, although I really want to participate and screening my animation in Indonesian festival.  First, because I am not confident with my animation. Second is because the rules and regulations are not in details.  Like, they don't mention what they would do with the film submitted.  This is important because there are some festival which doesn't allow submission of any film which is already in youtube/ vimeo.

So, I'm really sorry, I can't show the animation yet :(

Monday, November 14, 2016

Zero Celcius

My host already told me that they wouldn't be in town at October 30 but I just can't wait to leave all the drama behind, so I didn't reschedule my trip and I booked a room in a hotel in Leipzig.

October 29, I departed to Frankfurt, Germany, and arrived at October 30 then took a train to Leipzig.

It's really cold!!!!!!
It was 4 celcius, compared to the weather in Bandung, it was way too cold.
I had a bad jetlag, so I spend my time entirely at the hotel, although I did buy lunch at McDonald's.
It was Sunday and it was a holiday, so all the shops and mall are closed, that's why McDonald's is the best option.

I was really amazed when I saw the city centrum was really quiet, but there were a lot of families walking around. I meant, they must have known that the mall were closed, it was way too cold, but they still go outside no matter how old they were, from babies to elderly people.

I did ask Karoline, my host, at the other day.  She said, on Sunday they would go to the museum or to the park.  There are a lot of museums and park, the museums are indeed interesting, but the park is .. a park, normal park with a lot of plants, not a theme park, and they still go, by foot, although it's cold.

And it was shocking to see the google weather forecast next morning showing 0 Celcius.

I know it's not a thermometer.

But thankfully, after 2 days, I already adapted to the temperature. It was cold, I wore 3 layers of clothes, and I walk quickly to get warmer.

Friday, November 11, 2016

A Long Story Behind the Story You Can Skip

I returned from Germany 3 days ago, and I am hesitating to write this story because I know it's gonna be a long story.

Maybe you don't ask and maybe you don't want to know the whole story, but let me tell you, because I have many time to waste.

so... I went to Leipzig, to be exact to Dok Leipzig Film Festival for the second time!!! YAYYYY!!
The first time was to be a visitor, and the second time as a filmmaker :)
Mission Accomplished!

When I started the project, I didn't know it would be a roller coaster ride, of course it's fun to visit Leipzig twice, but there are equally a lot of hardships.
Random sh*tty things keep happening, starting from the company sell the office building.  Although I am now happy living with my parents again,  I wasn't easily adapted to the "new" environment.  I was really brokenhearted when I have to leave Jakarta.  I was still working for the company but I didn't feel like I was still part of the company.  I started to feel like I was a disposable employee, and never stop wondering, did they need me?

The financial condition of the company was not good and the best choice was to find another job.  That time I had a lot of options, I got a lot of job offers. But I didn't take any of it because there was a higher possibility that in the new place, I wouldn't have time to finish the animation.  So I chose the animation. I stayed with the company.

I really wanted to finish the animation as quickly as possible so spent my weekends and spare time making the animation,  I stop taking freelance project, and stop making amigurumis which caused financial and mental damage.  To relieve stress, I go shopping like crazy and spending money on random things.  Luckily two of the random things were subscribing a gym membership and taking language course, so at least I spent the money on good reasons (although I'm still not fit, not slim, and still bad in speaking German).  

After became slightly healthier and happier, I started making the animation again but then... I ran out of money, so I spent two month working many freelance projects, and "coincidentally" started working on the main job also from home.  Afterward, I started finished the animation, right on time with the Dok Leipzig's deadline at July 7.  What I meant on time was actually only sending the raw file, because the rules mentioned that they accepted raw files/ unfinished project too, and give 2 weeks more to finish it.  And it was finally finished  at July 22 before 12 o' clock, German time (means 6 hours extra).

What happened during the next 2 months was : I intensively stalking.  I googled every day, looking for any announcement, because I can't wait patiently.  I did my job for the company really good and fast, because I had to keep myself busy so I didn't have time to check google.

And at September, I finally knew that my animation was selected.  I spent restless nights preparing files required including a web site. And I still stalking, because I couldn't sleep well unless the official selection is published/ posted at the web.  Because few years ago my animation was selected by a local festival but never published in the catalog, and replaced by foreign animation :(

And since the festival didn't provide travel funds, I had to ask around.  I could borrow money from my parents, but they never offers me, and I have a pride, I don't want to ask for money from my parents, especially because they were not interested with my animation :'(.  There was no news for a long time, mostly because it was a busy time, there were so many festival, so I was feeling really down because I thought I would never watch my own animation's world premiere.  And guess what? I waste my money like crazy again.  

I was really stressed when suddenly my boss got creative and sending a meeting invitation at Friday.  I still remember how furious I was, but I still go to Jakarta.  Of course I had a secret agenda which to ask for a "proof of employment" from the human resource.  I need that "proof" for Visa arrangement, just in case.

At October 8th, I was really stressed out, I ask around again (in the middle of the night), and some friends suggest me to make a funding proposal to the government (which actually a very last option).  So I made proposals in bilinguals but then at October 10th, they published the official selection of Dok Leipzig at their web and Ta-daaaaa... finally I got a sponspor to fund my travel.  I cried a lot that day, happy tears.  And I send a notification email to my boss.

So at October 12th I went to Jakarta,  met the sponsors, sign the contract, watch some horror movie at Kineforum, IKJ (I need time to relax, okay?)
At the very next week, I have another email from my boss to meet the human resource in Jakarta.  They complained about my plan to go to Germany.  They said, it wasn't fair if I take a leave when my colleagues are being mutated or laid off, and how I would make the production process disturbed. (oh yes! that sh*tty story!)  But they eventually "give me permission to go", so I went home, prepare to sleep, stalking the embassy site and someone canceled his visa appointment schedule.
I CAN CHANGE  MY VISA APPOINTMENT SCHEDULE!
So at the very next morning, I go back to Jakarta again to make my visa.

I was still working, even harder than before, so that my company wouldn't have anything to complain about my trip to Germany.  I meant lately since I knew that my animation got selected, I've been working harder than usual, because Boss said we have to proof that we are the assets for the company  (oh what a speech).
I barely have any sleep, because I also need to prepare many things when suddenly, there's another call for the Human Resource.
I was in the "angkot", so I have to stop somewhere to take the call, it was raining, and it was almost dark.
The company didn't allow me to go to Germany and they ask for my resignation.  I didn't have any choice.  It's not like I wouldn't go to Germany just because the company didn't approve my leave, but as an employee I did make a lot of mistakes, why they have to ask for my resignation now?
I was at the side of the street, in front of my hairsalon.  I almost do "Britney haircut". NO way.
I sat in the corner, inside the angkot. Try to not cry, when someone played Bruno Mars "Cause your amazing...."
Amazing.
Amazing.
That's the company's name.
I didn't cry that time, I wait until I was home.
I cried when I told my parents.

oh by the way, I didn't try to negotiate, because they ask for my resignation only 3 Days before I go to Germany.  I had no more time and I was exhausted.  It was my 4th time in a month going to Jakarta.  I resigned at the same day I took my passport (with the Visa approval).  I cried a lot. again.
Were I know they would cut me off, I would made Visa for a longer visit, to visit my birthplace.  How could they ask for my resignation after the Visa approved?
But you know, that night I slept real good.

The next day, I was unemployed and although I would get the travel funds, I had not received it.  So I borrow my sister's money to buy the flight tickets. (YES, D-2, I still didn't have the ticket, but the company already laid me off).  Oh, and the company ask for the works to be done before I go to Germany.  I didn't do it.

D-1, I went shopping again with my friend, watching Doctor Strange.  Cursing the company.  Finally I got the travel funds so I can pay my sister's money back.

And D-day, I went to Germany.  And I didn't want to think about that company during the trip.

Will you take the risk of being unemployed to go to Germany?
I bet some of you will say yes.  I will say yes.   I don't regret it.  But it is painful, really.


Oh, please don't be sad if you don't get any souvenirs from Germany, it's not that I don't want to bring you some or I don't care about you, I just can't afford it.  remember... I am unemployed. really.